Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
