He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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