Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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