Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize