You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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