Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
