And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
