I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
