you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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