I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
