I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
