you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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