Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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