I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
