I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
