I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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