Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
