You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
