3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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