around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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