I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
