DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize