Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
