I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
