Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
