best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize