Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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