yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize