dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
