Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize