It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
