i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize