i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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