You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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