Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize