Don't make out with my wife yet
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
