so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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