I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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