I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
