If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
