Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I will be naked everywhere
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
