Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
