Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
