i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
