she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
