i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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