I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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