then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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