Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
