just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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