i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
