Where did you get a picture of my penis
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
