Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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