You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
