Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
