I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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