hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
