Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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