Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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