Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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