next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
