Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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