alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
