I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
