I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She's the barista slut.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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