so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
