i think i recognize dicks better than faces
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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