u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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