Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
