bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
